Subscribe:Atom Feed

"Metal Arms: Glitch in the System"

Posted: 03 March, 2018

A while back, Way of the Rodent, a short-lived 'zine of sorts that blazed a glorious trail across the internet of the early '00s launched a Kickstarter that unfortunately failed. Annnnyway, this lead me to save a couple of the reviews I did for them, which I'll post here for posterity.

The guidelines for WotR reviews were: 500 words, and do what you want...


Metal Arms

I really, really like this game.

I like the way the intro has beeped-out swear words - for the same reason that I like the start of Four Weddings. I like the way the back-story is shown in flickering black and white, like some sort of piss-take of The Animatrix.

I like the tutorial and the way that two of the friendly bots carefully guide me through the usual double-jump and aiming malarkey, teasing, saying they'll wait for me, egging me on, only to be blown to fuck at the first bridge.0

I like the levels and they way they subtlely encourage me to explore, begging me to point my little miner helmet and light into the darkest recesses of the designers mind, sniffing his drawers for that elusive secret chip - or four.

I like the way I can sneak up behind an enemy Mil, only to have him fart, right in my face. I like the fact I can repay such kindness by carefully blowing a couple of hot rounds into his right shoulder and watch him run around, screaming like a five-year-old girl.

No, really. He does.

I especially love the fact that, if I do this and Farty-Mil is in the middle of a big group of his mates, his rusty, panicking trigger finger will be glued to the spew hot-luvvin setting and my gaseous friend will scream around the level shooting the fuck out of all his mates. I like the mayhem this causes, even more.

I like the fact all my bot-mates are cute, that they say they'll help me out, show me the way to the checkpoint, do what I tell them to and that they don't run away in a fire-fight. I even like the fact that I nearly cried, proper-like, when in a panic I accidentally threw a core-charge into a group of eight of them that Id carried through all level only to be left knee-deep in springs, coils and the faint echo of a friendly scream.

I really like the guns the fact that they power up significantly and the way there's a subtle technique to each of them. I like the fact I can snipe, from really high up, or wade through trenches, both arms active, leaving a wake of screaming Mils behind me. I really like the fact I can rivet the Mil in the turret-gun, mid double-jump, only to land in his seat and point the cannon at 10 of those Mil scum behind me same for that bastard Mil driving the six-wheeled buggy.

I love the platforming elements, the careful jumps, the use of scenery the sheer fucking panic that sets in when two Berserkers land on the same rickety walkway and I madly back-track, shooting everywhere but on target.

I like the fact that I've still not mentioned everything that's great about this game, like the multiplayer or the speed chips and I've already hit 499 words.

Don't like the fact I've not had more time to play it, though.