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Travel

I’ve been travelling “A. Lot.” the last few months, and even if you ignore the risible security-theatre antics at most airports, the experience is awful.

Why? I just don’t get it.

Without fail, every airport in the world fails to deliver:

  • Decent food, at a reasonable price
  • Comfy seats
  • Power adaptors
  • Something to fucking watch while you’re waiting

Instead, it seems to be the top priority for every airport in the world to:

  • Sell you fucking suitcases (just, whaa?!)
  • Sell you a fucking laptop
  • Get you drunk
  • Make you stand up for more than would ever be desirable

So I’m going to let you in on my top-tip, life-hack, improve your airport experience guide:

  • Pay for lounge access

Seriously. It’s that simple. You can pre-pay for a bunch of visits to airport lounges. I bought a pack of 10 for 180GBP, which were valid for a year and to-date I’ve failed to find an airport where I can’t use one. i Given that a burger at Helsinki airport costs about 15e, you don’t need to do much mental arithmetic to see how this starts paying for itself. The food is complimentary. The booze is complimentary. There are comfy seats. Most lounges have somewhere to charge your shit. There’s bound to be TVs you can actually see, and hear. And most importantly, no-one is going to try and sell you a fucking suitcase. Because you already have two of those.

I’m not saying this is the perfect antidote to airport travel – it isn’t – but you can’t beat Beans-on-Toast, a couple of glasses of bubbles from the free bar, copies of the broadsheets, and infinite coffee, while you wait for your cheap-ass economy flight to where-ever, all for a bargain basement price of 18 earth pounds. Bonus points, you probably won’t have to listen to any screaming kids, either.

Which brings me on to life-hack number 2: Invest in sound cancelling headphones. You won’t regret it.